Lots of Love and Life
N.J. couple with sextuplets-plus has message for March for Life
by
Rev. Alexander M. Santora
(Reproduced from The Jersey Journal - January 20, 2005)

I've never made a March for Life in Washington, D.C., normally held on Jan. 22 of each year, the anniversary of the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion. Nor will I make the one next Monday, the 24th, moved to that date this year so that the marchers can visit their Congressional representatives, who would normally not be there on a weekend.

Two days after Christmas, however, I made a special journey to visit the Hayes family of Morganville, N.J. Elizabeth and Eric Hayes are the parents of New Jersey's first surviving sextuplets - Tara, Rebecca, Rachel, Connor, Eric Jr. and Ryan - who were born on Sept. 14 in Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch.

Five Kean University students and a staff member accompanied me as we brought the gifts from the giving tree the Newman Club set up on campus during the month of December. Home that day were the babies, the parents, both 38, their two sets of twins - 8-year old Kevin and Kyle and 5-year old Meghan and Kieran - grandmother Mary Figler, Betty's mom; and a volunteer, one of the 40 or 50 who come every week to feed, change and cradle the babies. As well as their pets: Bama, the huge dog, and Bandit, the big cat.

All in this modest house that had already been expanded and modernized by Eric prior to the expectation of babies and now very crowded with stacked up boxes of Pampers - all donated by local groups - and baby items like automatic rockers and cribs. Their lives have not been the same since the babies came home soon after their births, which went quite well, despite the odds.

Betty holds some astonishing records. She made the Guiness Book of Records for the largest collective birth weights of sextuplets in the world. At birth, she instantly lost 52 pounds of babies and placenta and fluids. She also carried them to 32 weeks, making hers the second-longest pregnancy of sextuplets in the world and the longest in the United States.

And she's remarkably calm with all the hoopla that has surrounded their births. One of her fears when the doctor told her that she was carrying six was "the media frenzy," and they have resisted invitations from Oprah, ABC's 20/20 and other television shows. Eric faced the press - and did quite well - the day after the babies were born and has since fielded questions from reporters. "He's a schmoozer," Betty said of her policeman husband, who is a DARE officer in Marlboro, where he works.

I was fortunate to speak to Betty about her concerns about and since her pregnancy. She took injections to become pregnant, first to mature her eggs and then one to send them on their way through the fallopian tubes. That's how she became pregnant with twins twice, and expected and wanted a third set, hoping one would be a girl so her Meghan would have a sister. Betty grew up as the only girl with three brothers, one of whom is Rev. Michael Figler, a Catholic priest and friend of mine.

Once the doctor determined she had six fetuses, he suggested Betty see another doctor about "reductions," a term for aborting one or more of the fetuses so the remaining ones have a better chance of survival. At each medical visit, the issue of reductions came up. Evidently, this is common advice given to women with multiple fetuses. Never once, Betty said, did she consider going that route, but she said she did want to know why the doctor was suggesting it. She was feeling healthy and , except for her large size, she did not develop any complications throughout her pregnancy.

She consulted her priest, a deacon, family, medical professionals, and the parents of quintuplets and could find no compelling reason to go that route. She wouldn't even watch a film showing the process of reduction.

Two discussions convinced her to carry all six to term. One doctor told her, "You're in a boat trying to make it to shore. Do you throw some overboard or try to make it with everyone knowing that you will probably die?" Betty said, "We'll see what happens." She never could imagine herself throwing anyone overboard. Also, when she asked how it would be decided which fetuses would be aborted, a doctor told her, "Whoever is closest to the needle." That response convinced her to bring all the babies to term. And that's what she did. And she doesn't mind the change in her own personal life: little sleep, hardly ever going outside the house, and accepting the generosity of strangers.

St. Joseph's Parish in Toms River, her brother's first priesthood assignment, collected over $13,000 to help them expand their house. The New Jersey Knights of Columbus gave $2,000. And Oasis Ford of Old Bridge gave them the largest van I've ever seen. It's an army green and looks like it can transport troops, which isn't far from the mark. "We can fit all six babies in their car seats and everyone else, " Betty said.

I went alone for my second visit, last Thursday. The twins were at school, and all six babies were sleeping. Eric, who took the day off from work, was trying to nap. Betty was up and around. I saw Rebecca stirring, and Eric said, "If you wake her, you take her." How I wish! I haven't held her or any of the babies so far. I did get to see close up how Betty and Eric love their children and how the community has rallied around them. But most especially how they trusted that God would give them what they need to be the parents they have to be.

Or maybe the message the March for Life sends the elected officials in Washington, D.C.: life and death are in God's hands, and on earth we respect life. Like the Hayes family does.